Transition is always hard, no matter how you look at it. Anytime you’re transitioning from one situation to another there’s a lot of packing and unpacking. You have a decision that needs to be made. There are logistics that have to be figured out, and it’s not always easy to move through it, in a positive way. It’s uncomfortable to say the least. We all sometimes live in a state of comfort. We operate in that space daily. Then, something comes to interrupt that comfort. It’s our job to figure out how to stick with it and not let it affect our daily flow.
I’ve been recovering for a minute now, and I won’t rehash all of that. However, what I’m realizing is that I’m more irritable these days, and I’ll snap a lot quicker than usual. It’s like, I’m in this transitional period but have no idea what I’m transitioning to. I don’t have any idea how this molding and stretching will turn out. What fruits will it bear, and how will I be different? There’s no way to know. What I’m learning through this process is that I don’t just have to give up. For example, I used to be a quitter. If I didn’t like someone or something, I was done with it, and I’d wipe my hands and move on, without another word. This was true of jobs, relationships, friendships–you name it. I don’t deal well with being uncomfortable. I know it’s a running joke to just “cut people off,” but it isn’t always the healthiest way to handle things. Just because things may be a little off for a minute doesn’t mean you just give up and move on. Sometimes we have to sit in it and learn how to make it better.
So, here I am now, recovering and healing, physically. I now have to face a depression diagnosis (which really wasn’t a surprise). I have to face this. I didn’t expect to have to deal with this as well, but here I am. While I don’t like it, ignoring it or burying my head would just make the issues worse. This isn’t at all what I expected, especially at this point in my life. I have to lean into the mess that it is. I know, it’s daunting. It’s daunting to think about the many things we face each day, and we have to work through all of it, while being parents, significant others, working, and trying to have a bit of a social life. Where is there time to do any other work? That part has to be figured out in the best and healthiest way for each one of us. We have to be gentle with ourselves.
BlueMist&Cocoa 